There is no sound when a heart breaks. It’s not like the crash of fallen glass or bang from smashed metal that can turn heads in an instant. No, it’s a silent crush felt by a single soul and it ricochets within causing inward devastation.
Whether that break was caused by the death of another, unrequited love or broken dreams, the heart has the power to destroy. It’s how we put the pieces back together that defines if the break is merely a patchable crack.
When you are drowning in a sea of hurt, it’s hard to keep treading or muster strength to swim to shore. The key is knowing to grab the buoy being thrown by others who want you to take the lifeline. We live in a culture where we believe we are expected to keep swimming even when your arms and legs lack strength.
The Mayo Clinic states that broken heart syndrome is an actual medical condition brought on by a stressful situation or extreme emotions. Among the cures, they list connection with others.
In the last month, I’ve had my own heart broken and watched others suffer from a mix of tragic circumstances. Everyone’s journey is different, no cause is more worthy of tears than others. What we have in common is how we choose to move forward, and hopefully everyone will.
The difference this time around for me is the ability to recognize and accept help. We can’t do it all, especially when our tanks are depleted. What we can do is tune out the sad songs, take a break from the memories and pay attention to the love that surrounds us all. If you look only in the rear view mirror the car will inevitably crash.
I grew up in a culture where we are told “to put your big girl pants on and get on with it.” The other day a friend suggested “you put the big pants in a drawer for a bit and wear the thong.” It was a great reminder to stop, take a breath and a break from the challenges of daily life. They will still be there, but they won’t feel so overwhelming when you’ve had time to recharge and reset. We can’t run from pain, but we can approach the cause and handle it in a healthy way.
As a parent, partner, colleague or friend, so often we feel like we owe people in our life the best of ourselves. In truth isn’t it ourselves we owe that to first? As a parent we want our kids to be resilient but really the only way to get there is through the school of hard knocks. We can be too quick to pick up the pieces when life gets tough wanting our children not to suffer. In the end, we are hurting more than helping.
My kids have seen me cry and heard my choked-up, in the moment feelings of hopelessness. They are also seeing me pick myself up by leaning on people who care. I want them to know its healthy to seek help or accept it when you don’t ask but its given. In truth it has taken nearly fifty years to subscribe to the concept.
Our little community recently lost a much-loved figure, someone who didn’t want to accept help when he needed it. His wife made a point at his memorial of saying he could still be here if he’d let others in. He was too intent on giving to do any of the taking. His heart was broken but so many of us were too deaf to hear any cracks and he was too good at hiding them. Now she and her children are in a world of hurt but pulling strength from the circle of love that surround them.
We all struggle in our own way, and so often suffer in silence. Maybe we need to be more open when our hearts are broken but others can’t hear it. Sadness and loss have the power to destroy but love has the power to heal, even the most shattered heart of all.
Tried and Tested Tips to Heal a Broken Heart
Allow time to grieve.
Ask for support and accept help.
Practice self-care.
Get outside, exercise or explore a new hobby.
Find a healthy outlet to express emotions such as journaling.
Identify and eliminate any unhealthy behaviors.
Set boundaries – not all advice is good advice.
Remember its okay, not to be okay.
If you think someone is struggling, replace "how are you" by asking what they've been doing lately.
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